Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Kissing mermaids

I let her in and kick off my flip flops
Her: Wow your hair is so curly
Me: I was dancing in the rain
She kisses me
Her: You look like a mermaid


Monday: 8:23am
Just enough time to drive to work(7 minutes)
I push the door open and sunlight burns my not-nearly-caffeinated-enough retinas.
Um. where is my car. WHERE is my car?!?!


Me: How are you?
Her: Ok, kinda tired.
Me: Trip wore you out, hey?
She nods
Her: Are you sick?
-she makes a motion indicating body sickness-
Me: Hmm? Hahaha no, I broke my coffee machine. This is what I look like un-caffeinated.

First time I ever wore Converse sneakers to work and didn't do my hair in 6 months lol
#coffeeaddict #love it #cantevenfunctionwithoutit

Monday, September 29, 2014

....hipster or lesbian?

Are her glasses prescription?
What does the plaid mean?
Is the vegan thing a hint.....?
....she's looking at me still....
I see your undercut.
I. See. You.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Lesbian Apologies

Her: I am kind of upset that you didn't tell me you were gay in person when we were in Jamaica

Ok. I am sorry and sincerely apologize that I didn't tell you all in person or individually. There are a bunch of reasons.
Firstly, it was terrifying and also I (was) embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed anymore. Now it's like, "Hey, this is who I am! That's that." But ya it's hard telling people.
Jamaica was about my sister's wedding. Not about me. And also, I was so not ready.
When I posted "I'm a lesbian" on my Facebook wall I kind of wanted to die and also dance around at the same time.
The other night I was at a loud outdoor art party and a guy asked for my number. I straight up told him and he was like, "Wow! You are so upfront. Thank you!"
I mean, what is the point of not telling him and giving him my number? I don't want to play games. The only game I want to play is the rapper while I sing along in the shower.
So ya, hopefully you can understand. I meant no disrespect.
It really wasn't much of a secret to a lot of people anyways haha
If you hung out with me you would realize I would have 2 drinks and suddenly start hitting on the blonde lady in the black sequin dress on New Years Eve....
What? I just like sequins guys.

Talk dirty to me

Me: You are so polite
Him: Hahahaha oh no! Maybe that's my problem with women!
Me: What? No! It's a good thing
Him: No one has ever been like, "Ooooo you are so polite. Talk polite to me all night long!"

Nuit Blanche

Her: Those women have moustaches!
She points at a lady who went by
I laugh and strain to see them through the crowd 
As we go by a naked statue of a lady I put my hand over her eyes
Her(laughing): Thank you for protecting my virgin eyes 
When we get to the Dali exhibit she is mesmerized  
Her: What a genius. I want to marry this man.
We declare Dali the king of selfies and dance the night away.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

hey Cali what's up

Him: Hey!
Me: Hey.
Him: How's it going?!
Me: Fine.
Him: You don't sound fine. What's up?
Me: Doesn't matter.
Him: I want to know
Me: You know why.
Him: .....
Me: I just miss her.
Him: .....oh......are you going to LA?
Me: I don't know. What's the point. What am I going to do there.
Him: Well....for starters....to cheer up!

Ok Cali. I'm coming.  

Friday, September 26, 2014


Via email:
Me: Pho in daaa belllllllayyyy! 12:30?
Her: Are we driving or walking? #newgirl
Him: We can walk it. It is literally across the street. #myfitness #my noodles #mine
Me: #piggyback

Getcha Paint On

I have decided to do the noble thing.
And stop searching for romantic love.
And to instead take a writing class and also oil portrait painting class.
And I wouldn't be surprised if this in fact leads to me finding the right person- like that time I COULDNOTFINDMYGLASSESANYWHEREAGHHHHHHH and it turned out I was wearing them.
Sadly, a true story. Circa 1998.

I've been spending a considerate amount of time doing what one of my dear artist friends refers to as, "skirt chasing".
I am embarrassed to use that expression. But as I said, it's not mine. I am a simple borrower of diction(and often toothpaste).
It was pointed out to me today that I spend a lot of energy on this love thing and perhaps it's time I took a break so my rueful spirit can repair itself properly for once.
It's been like relationship-relationship-relationship-relationship for the past 4ish years.
Although don't be surprised if in like 4 days I am waxing eloquently about someone's luscious hair using various climatic metaphors.
At least I will be writing about it in my writing class with other humans haha or I will be painting their portrait while in a class surrounded by other humans.
I'm excited. Art class: here I come!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Oh baby baby

Guys. It's almost October! What happened????
Here's my list of favourite discoveries/people/things/places of 2014!

1. The beach/mostly driving to the beach singing gangster rap as loud as humanly possible

2. Blue cheese hamburger patties(omgawd)

3. Montreal (bah! I miss you)

4. Pink pedicures and French manicures

5. Telling everyone I am gaaaaaaayyyyy

6. My leather skirt
I need you I want you oh baby baby.
It was love at first sight.

7. My girlfriend(now ex-girlfriend). 
It was amazing. 
Now it's over. 
Peace, girl. 

8. My job.
I design clothes for a living.
And my boss rocks.
I am pretty much the luckiest person ever.

9. Grimes
she rules

10. Jenna Lyons (because she works in fashion as a CEO and she's awesoooome and gaaaayyyyy)
We have so much in common.
For example, we both have approximately 5 billion pairs of shoes. 

11. My red high heels
They really were there for me.
Sadly a month ago they died a tragic sunscreen death. 
(a story for another time haha)

12. Seeing my sister get married in Jamaica! woooo/awwwwwww!

13. Writing and having total strangers from around the world telling me they read my blog everyday!(love youuuuuuu!)

14. My oversized sweater with the ridiculous massive pocket. It's the legal way to wear a blanket to work. I mean come on.

Oh hey, exactly 14 of the best things of 2014. How convenient!
Great year so far.
Btw, I want to know all 13,798 of you guys!
Message me or comment below!
(You can choose the "anonymous" setting if you want to leave a comment super quick).

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

RAW For The Oceans: G-Star

Oh hey sexy people!
I want to tell you a story:
Once there was a woman in New York.
It was a hot summer. Damn hot. Real hot. So hot you could cook an egg on the sidewalk hot.
She took off her jacket but it wasn't enough. She needed relief. So she ran to a street vendor. She bought a bottle of water and drank the entire thing in 3 seconds flat and then threw it in the trash


She threw it where?!?!


It's ok
You know why? Because of Raw For The Oceans.
That's right. G-Star Raw and Pharrell Williams(ummm like you weren't already in love with him for releasing this  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXk_zDyvfio) are making denim out of recycled plastic from the ocean.
Ya, denim. Out of plastic they pull from the sea.
It's intensely bad-ass.
I feel like the cool thing these days IS to care. Not caring about the environment is laaaaaaaame.
Humanitarianism/ environmentalism/ giving a damn: It's in. It's hot. Take note.
And this trend of caring isn't going away anytime soon cause let's be honest- we have fucked the Earth up pretty bad.
But it's ok. We are going to figure it out together.
AND we get to wear super stylish rad clothes designed by Pharrell Williams and Marc Newson (Design Director of Apple) while we do it!
I love this because they are taking something negative and making something positive out of it.
Pharrell, you are doing something powerful with your fame. Respect.

Check out the website here guys:

Here is a video about the cause:
"You can take low grade plastic debris and turn it into high performance yarn"

Also, I might have a teeny tiny crush on Raw For The Oceans brand ambassador/ artist/ film maker/ activist Brandee Brown. 
I mean how cool is this chick?

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Shake It Off

That feeling when your realize your ex has un-blocked you on Instagram because someone "liked" a cute photo of her on your page that you took when you were together. Like, "Oh, hey! It's so great that we can't have coffee together like civilized people but we can now openly spy on each other's lunch choices! High five!"
It's cool though.
I shook it off like Taylor Swift. 

Lesbian Sex Advice For Straight Men

I can't tell you who. Because I am a nice person.
But, a straight man who is practically a stranger figured out that I am gay and asked me for sex advice tonight.
It has begun.
 haha....oh man

La Patisserie

In Montreal:
Her: Every Saturday I walk my dog to the Patisserie and I get one of these tiny cakes
-she holds up the palm of her hand to show me how small they are-
I spear a piece of arugula. 
Her: When I get home I put whip cream on it
She is a mirage of French romance. I don't want to blink incase atmospheric conditions suddenly change and she vanishes.

Since this trip my desire to learn French has increased by approximately 300%

Monday, September 22, 2014

Best Gay And Lesbian Movies!

Happy Monday! Here is my sapphic/gay movie list! Enjoy!

1. Blue Is The Warmest Colour
Very very good critically acclaimed Indie Film. I am a sucker for any movie that has an artist/painter in it lol so I obviously was like "Yay!" There is a ton of sex in this movie. You have been warned. The dialogue is well written and the cinematography is thoughtful. Really beautiful film. So good.

2. Orange Is The New Black
Not 100% about being gay...well...ok maybe. This is possibly the best tv-show ever made. I have seen it more times than I will admit.

3. I love You Phillip Morris
OMG hilarious. I love Jim Carrey. Love.

4. L Word
Ok I know it's old now but a lot of it is still relevant. The storyline is fun. And Shane is so so so hot. Ya'all know what I am talking about!

5. Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Good small Indie film. I like the vibe. Very San Fran/Seattle/ Portland riot-girl esque.

6. G.B.F.
Ok, this movie is ridiculous. But sometime if you are like "I want to watch some goofy amusing fluff!" then this is the one to pull out.

7. Boys Don't Cry
Boys don't cry. But you will! (Actually boys do cry. Don't make me get into a heteronormative-paradigm-rant about gender roles). Amaaaaazing movie. Very serious. Won tons of awards.

8. Rent
Awesome awesome awesome musical. Did I mention it's awesome? I think this is where many gay people's obsessions with New york began. I miss Ny....sigh

9. Better Than Chocolate
This movie is soooo cheesy. But good. And it was shot on Commercial Street in Vancouver(I am like 90% sure I recognize where). They have nice houseplants in it too(I know that's random but it's true...their apartment rocks). And it's pretty funny.

10. Milk
About the gay activist Harvey Milk. Good. Yes, you should watch this.
Important for your queer-cation....like eductation.....of gayness....you heard it here first.....

11. Vicky Christina Barcelona
Not 100% gay but there is some gay stuff in it. This is one of my favourite movies ever. I want to marry Penelope Cruz. I can't believe it's even legal for her to be that hot.

12. Chloe
A twisted thriller. Amanda Seyfried is such a good actress. It's well written and I know this is goofy but she has the best hair ever! And check out her bird trench coat(gah!). I design clothes for a living I can't help it.

13. Broke Back Mountain
Sooooo saaaaaaaad. But good. Won a ton of awards.

14. Black Swan
This movie is aaaammazing. And not just about being gay for all you homophobic folk! Haha just kidding. Homophobic people don't read my blog. Ha!
Anyways, this movie is so well done. Really dark and beautiful.

15. But I'm a Cheerleader
Ahhhhh this movie is soooo funny. She is sent to "straight camp". It's a classic. Very funny. And Nicky Nichols rocks. She is in Orange Is The New Black also.

Ok! So that's it for now! If I hear about/see anything else I will update this.
Kiss-kiss(as they do in Montreal) :)

For the besssssst lesbian/gay gifts go here!

Rainbows And God

Hahaha actually God is punishing me for being gay...
The minute we broke up God gave half the lesbians on Earth the same glasses and haircut as my ex
Oh, you want to get over her?
Enjoy seeing her everywhere!

The brownies are gay

Me: I am not really sure what the point is...I mean...the objective...I just started the blog for fun
Him: Well 12000 people are reading it. People are obviously connecting with what you are saying
Me: I mean, I am writing the book too so I guess that is part of it. It's like getting naked every day though
Him: I think the point is just connecting with people. Isn't that what art is really about? Keep writing

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Living in Brooklyn, New York

Him: That's rad you lived in NY. Were you living in Brooklyn?
Me: Ya, how did you know?!
Him: Haha because you are a normal person and you were like 20