Monday, March 30, 2015

Baby Dyke Guide

Are you in the closet? Git outa there!
Stop hiding!
(behind pineapples!)
(or fake boyfriends!)
If you are a baby dyke 
(it's fine I'm allowed to use that word (muahahaha))
here's a bunch of cool lesbian stuff you might not know about yet!
(P.s. Congratulations! The best part of your life is about to begin!)
#1. QPOC
(Queer People Of Colour)
REALLY awesome organization. Find one in your area. (Search on Facebook too)
#2. Autostraddle
They have some seriously hilarious writers and good articles!

*(puppy intermission)*
#3. FaB Femme
Your guide to all things femme!(besides me of course, ha!)

*(Taylor Swift intermission)*
.....I hope her neck is ok.....

#4. And last but CERTAINLY not least:
Because there is no such thing as too much Ellen. I mean, really guys.

I'm probably going to keep adding to this post over time as I remember all the things I read last summer when I first came out ( sooooo feel free to come on back!

You also might enjoy my other queer guide:
OR my Lesbian Guide To Montreal:
Ciao bellas!


Go to gym?
Kiss cute girl at dance party?
Cute girl likes dogs?
 Love your job?
Oh life!
You are so good to me!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Hahahahaha yes.

Eye Of The Tiiiiiigerrrrrrrrrr


Me: Can you teach me all your ab exercises?!
Her: Yes! Wear lots of gym clothes you don't distract me...or a full body unitard ;)
Me:Like this?

Her: Haha that will do. Bring one for me too
Me: Eye of the tiiiiiigerrrrrrrrrrr
Her: That will be our theme song
Me: You can wear this one

Tequila Shots Vs. Dancing Skillzzzzzz

Saturday, March 28, 2015


dance party dance party dance party dance party!


Last night when I was walking Bettie I saw a car drive the wrong way up a one way street, crash into a parked car, then try to escape but crashed into parked cars on the other side of the street(I'm guessing they were drunk). About 30 seconds later cops came and handcuffed them against their car.

Free entertainment folks!

Friday, March 27, 2015

Getting Inoculated By Life

My Dad: Wow, I like who you are becoming. You are going to be pretty tough by the end of all of this.
Me: Haha, thanks... it's been quite a year
Him: Your Uncle calls it "getting inoculated"



Him: So, what's happening with you and that girl?
Me: What girl?
Him(smiling): The one you mentioned the other night!
-laughing I pull my fur hood up over my head-
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about

my hair is so big
because it's full of secrets

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Perfect lesbian gift

what a girl wants
what a girl needs
(except for me.....I just want aaaaaalllll da puppies)

still be friends

you know
people always say
"We will still be friends if we date and it doesn't work out!"
....and you can.
but it will never be simple like it was before


Puppy snuggles when you are sick. 
A. Puppy can't get your flu
B. Puppy doesn't care that you look like a zombie
C. Puppy has to earn it's keep somehow(jk jk)

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


me*at the delirious stage of moving where you want to set everything on fire
-my parents call me-

My Mom: Your Dad is bugging me because he's bored
(I hear him laughing in the background)
Me: I have some stuff you can help me move!
Dad(jovial): I would just get a BIG dumpster!
Me: Haha! That's fine! I didn't even know I had a waffle maker!

they say there are no original ideas left in the world
but no one has ever used #lesbianpancake apparently
you are welcome society
my job here is done.
p.s. i have no idea what a lesbian pancake is
p.s.s. if in the future it means something dirty I apologize in advance
p.s.s.s. if it turns out to be something mystical I would like some, please. 

I win!

My neighbour baked me muffins!!!!!

(I know, this isn't a photo of muffins. Because they are in my bellayyyy. MUAHA.)

I'm ready

you know 
that feeling
when you are on a treadmill
and you have 20 seconds left on the timer
and you are like

that feeling is exactly how this winter was for me
but for 5 whole months

Spring, I'm ready.

wearing the pants

My Mom: You look like Marilyn Monroe!
Me: Ahhhwww! Thanks!
My Dad(yelling from across the room into speaker phone): You should read her book!
Me: Ya?
Him: She was way ahead of her time! She even started her own production company in the 50's which was unheard of as a woman!

I love women who prove 
you don't have to wear pants
to wear "the pants"

Sunday, March 22, 2015

you are too pretty to be gay

sometimes as a femme 
I think I would fit into the queer community better if I dressed more masculine
but that's just not who I am
a lot of people also don't "believe" I'm gay
(hahahaaa ohhhh the inherent poetic irony of life!)
which is sometimes frustrating
like I have to prove it
I only date women 
and that's pretty much the gayest thing you can do

Finding The One

Her: People who like you are the ones worth keeping around
Me: My social group shifted after I came out
Her: Really?
Me: Ya...just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to sleep with any woman on Earth.... it's like saying all straight women want to date any man. 

Stud vs femme


Me: All the dudes I know HATE being called cute
Her: I don't mind. I get called cute all the time. Prob because I'm little
Me: I'll take handsome! Handsome femme haha!
Her: If that's what you like. Very handsome.
Me: Haha no I prefer "female" compliments
Her: I know what femmes like
Me: I'm sure you do
Her: I've been around
Me: Ladykiller
Her: Not like that but I know lol
Me: I know I'm teasing you

Alarm Clock


Saturday, March 21, 2015

Even better

-past midnight-

Beautiful girl in wide brimmed hat: Ohhhhhhh! What a cute dog!
Me(smiling): Thanks!
Her: And a cute girl too. Even better.


-at taco party-

Her(sips Margarita): I saw this girl the other day who looked EXACTLY like Taylor Swift!
Him(gasp): Where?!
Me: Did you give her my number?

be still my beating heart

have you seen my rack?

-I'm carrying a bunch of clothes and I see my friend turning off the lights-
Me: oooOOOooooo(ghost noises)
Him: Oh hey, do you need the lights on?
Me(looking around): Have you seen my rack?
-he bursts out laughing-
Him: I have not seen your rack.
Me(blushing): THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

we laugh until we almost cry

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

lesbian math

Take the amount of lesbians in the city (lez say 100)
yeah puns!
*high fives self*
Divide that by the amount of social groups (ten? oui?)
Ok, how many people have you dated?
No. Really. 
Ok, whatever, let's go with 5. 
You can't date or sleep with any of their friends. 
By dating 5 people you have now dated half the lesbian population!

Monday, March 16, 2015

my day is made.

-I knock on the door-
Him(affable): Hey!
Me: Hey! I brought you guys flowers to say thanks for helping me!
Him: Awww!
-she comes in from the kitchen beaming-
Her: Come see! I'm going to put them over here!
-I take off my Converse sneakers and follow her into the livingroom-
After I say goodbye I wait outside the elevator and hear her through the door-
Her: I LOVE flowers!!!

aaaaand my day is made.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Grimes: REALiTi

aghhhhhhhh love this


Her: So she was like, "Brandy's sleeping with him. Everyone is talking about it."
Me: Haha! 
Her: And I was like, "I think she's playing for the other team."
Me: How did you know?
-she looks me in the eye-
Her: I just knew.
your gaydar is strong 

eye contact high fives

Me(laughing): So I called this guy to see about renting his apartment 
Him: Ya?
Me: And he asked me how tall my dog was haha
Him: Were you like, "Uhmmm, shin height?"
Me: Ya! She's all legs....(mischievous smile)is that discrimination? I should file a complaint!
Him: It's not her fault! (Lady Gaga voice) She was born that way!
*we exchange eye contact high fives*

What is. And what was.

Eventually you can make peace with everything that haunts you. Sometimes you even learn how to hang it on your wall. :). More of my art at

This is cool

Thursday, March 12, 2015

The 100 Just Got Real

Not only do they have 2 female lead characters who are blowing the hell out of the bechdel test
now they also have a lesbian
or 2
Or maybe they are canonically bisexual. 
What I'm trying to say is they romantically kissed for like ten seconds.
And it. Was. Awesome. 
Go The 100!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Sleep Vs. Shower

Finished moving tonight!!!
my new place is kick a**!!!
soooo exhausted though omg
haha Bettie is totes napping on my leg. adorbs.
cutest dog in the world

Monday, March 9, 2015

she catches me

I run through the snow 
catch her a cab
I run through the kiss
she catches me every time

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Summer love

Her: She's not over her ex
Me: How long has it been?
Her: A year
Me: Whoah....ya...sometimes it takes a long time. Actually I was just talking about this the other day with another friend....I am FINALLY over my ex-girlfriend. It took forever
Her: How long were you together
Me: Just for the summer....but I was in love
Her(smiling): You ARE a lesbian
-we both laugh-


-slow snowflakes fall from the sky-
-my cheeks hurt from laughing so much-

Her: You haven't seen bridesmaids?!? That's a deal breaker for me (joking, not joking)

-her dog chases my dog through the open field-

Me: Haha! Ya I've seen it.... (smiling) if you ever sleep over I'm going to turn to you in the morning and be like, "Soooo, I don't know how to say this... but I kinda want you to leave"
Her: Ahahahahaha! That would be hilarious!