Me: I like your shoes. You always have great man shoes. I should borrow them one day(this is me flirting). I have big feet. I totally could fit them.
Him: Um thanks. You always have nice pink nail polish.
(It's true. I always have a manicure. Cause I'm girly and like bein purdy)
Me: Thanks! You can borrow it sometime! I have a whole bottle.
Him: I just want to smell it.
*incredibly awkward silence*
Him: I have no idea why I said that.
If he hadn't said that I probably would have dated him in one more desperate plea with the universe for a functional heterosexual relationship- like a drunk clinging to shards of grass on the lawn terrified they are going to fly into the sun and burn up if they let go. And it probably would have worked. As long as we had sex in the dark. And I pretended he was Megan Fox. Ha.
But as it all panned out I in fact did not date him. What I did was I went to Home Depot immediately and bought a big-ass lock and then I started dating a girl. And she came over to my place and helped me instal it on my door to keep out weirdos who want to smell my nail polish. Cause I'm girly and am not skilled with power tools(see above reference: hot pink toes). And that was the first time we kissed(awwww).