Sunday, August 10, 2014

What It's Like Being A Lesbian In A Dress

Hey guys! Your gay ambassador here!

Lately I have been hearing a lot about fem-invisibility. Basically lesbians who don't "look like" lesbians and are tired of not being acknowledged as queer and are getting no action.
I hear your cries. Don't defenestrate yourself! We are going to figure this out together! 
It's true people- some of us like pedicures and making out with girls. It's a real thing.
How do we solve this problem? Not acknowledging fem's just strengthens these stereotypes. We shouldn't have to shave our heads, head to Brooks brothers for button-up shirts, and stop wearing mascara. I like mascara, darn it!
In a way though, I am like Clark Kent. Heterosexual on the outside. Lady lover insides. I can go freely about without being hassled. No one see's me buying mangoes and thinks, "Sodomite! She must have a girlfriend!" And not being able to buy mangoes peacefully would be soooo sad because mangoes are one of my favourite things in the entire universe. I would solely eat mangoes if I could. In fact recently I accidentally did this out of passion for the delicious fruit of wonder and then one day I was driving home from the dog park and started craving protein sooooooo badly. I was like Gollum and I swear if there had been a salmon in front of me I would have clubbed it on the head and eaten it right then and was my inner Kraken
Then we get to fem lessie dating. I can tell you first hand that a lot of people thought I was not gay when I was with my first girlfriend 3ish years ago. I have long hair. I listen to girly pop/hip-hop/fluffy rock music a lot. I drive a cute red car. I love wine. I have a fufffy white dog named after Bettie Page. Half my clothes are pink... shall I go on? You get the picture.
I'm super curious to hear what you guys think of fem invisibility as it is something I have been musing on for the past couple days. What do we do to make it more acceptable for women to keep their "femininity" and to be taken seriously as a queer lady? I use quotes there because also, you don't have to wear pink to be "feminine".
I haven't experienced this yet but I have also heard about lesbian women not accepting fem's into their social circle simply because they are fem's and don't seem "gay" enough. Personally, if that's someone entire basis of deciding if they want to be my friend then I'm down with passing on their friendship anyways. People are people. Hang out with people who rock your world! And share your mangoes with them. And don't club fish on the head.
Check out my unique, funny, LGBTQ greeting cards here:


  1. Love this article. :) thanks for sharing. I'm a lesbian/femme and don't seem to fit in to so many situations...

  2. Hey Marlita! Nice to meet you! I love that dress in your recent post. You have wicked style girl! I'll def be checking out your posts:)

  3. Hey great blog! I write a blog about lesbian fashion too! It's more from the perspective of masculinity in fashion, but it was great to hear your insights into other queer fashion!

  4. Thanks and nice to meet you Jess!:) I will check out your bog for sure!

  5. This is sadly a very true thing, check out our article on femmephobia within the world in general but also within LGBTQ+ spaces:

    1. Hi SJWiki thanks for taking time to comment. I have checked out your site and it is very interesting. I hope you have a good Sunday! I will be cruising around your webpage for a while:)