Monday, February 16, 2015

Four Things I Wish I had Known Before Coming Out

so, you've finally figured out that you don't want to BE Taylor Swift
You want to date her.
You are gay!
Here are the four things I wish I had known before coming out:

1. It won't define you. You have many attributes! Humor, artistry, really bad kitchen dancing skills that no one will witness but your dog! Being gay is part of every gay person's life but not their whole being.
2. Not everyone will like it. But for the most part you won't hear from those folks. They will just slowly fade from your life. And you will find yourself with really close friends because you can finally let your guard down.
3. It turns out being gay is actually "a thing" now.....I'm not sure when it became cool.....or maybe now I only hang out with people who think it's cool. But it seems to be the thing to be. WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS BEFORE?! GAH!
4. You will come out of the closet over and over and over and over. Unless I go and shave ALL my hair off. Which personally will never happen. Because me without hair would probably be semi-terrifying. Plus I like being "feminine". And I don't have to revoke that because I date women. I once shaved off 1/4th of it and it didn't help. Point being, no one assumes I am gay. Therefore "coming out" happens at least twice a week. Luckily it gets less and less awkward. Because also, one of the things I wish I had known before coming out is that you get tougher.


  1. This is a wonderful post. Honestly it wasnt easy for me and i wish i can be as free as you. You seem to be a free spirited femme which i think is admirable. I came out to my parents last year. It was a one time thing. They never wanna talk about my sexuality. Im an only kid so that explains why its so hard for them plus they are so religious. I didnt hear them say any derogatory words but i didnt hear any "its okay. Were proud of u". I dont get any reaction. And now im in the point were i just know that they know about the real me and yet maybr not talking about it helps them cope up with it.

    Its a constant struggle. I hope one day i can be free as i want to be.

    1. Hmmm thank you for your kind words. I wasn't always like this. Once I was very very secretive and my outlet was visual art. But once I really came out (last May-ish 2014) I found writing to be a satisfying way of connecting with other people. That was brave of you to tell your parents. Serious props to you! That must have been scary. You might not have their vocal approval but I am sure your parents love you. Sometimes it just takes people longer to accept it. Either way, you have accepted you and that is very important....the most important really. As long as you are respecting other people, live your life the way you want to live it! It's too short not to. We only have so long on this Earth. Enjoy it!
      I noticed you posted anonymously. If you want to talk with me you can email me at :)
      Always happy to make new friends- gay, straight, the whole lot!
      (And I'll never "out" you. Your secret is safe with me. #lesbiancode haha much like #thegirlcodeofsecrecy)

  2. Nice! This is true in so many contexts. I come out about changed beliefs all the time and you're right it happens over and over. You think it's once and you're done, but it's many many times. I love that this is a thing now. Your posts are great. :)

    1. Thanks Sarah! That's super cool that you relate in your own way. You seem really happy these days and I'm glad. You deserve it:)

  3. The Taylor Swift thing... Sooooo true! Can I ask: how old were you when you came out? I recently came out and feel so stupid I did not realize it earlier! Am I the only one?

    1. I'm in my late 20's but I have been dating women for a long time. Most people close to me saw it coming haha. Don't feel stupid! Some people figure it out when they are waaaaay into life.